Our Love Story
Written by Roman Augustus
It was a brisk winter’s night in the fabled year of 2023. Roman, a man of undeniable charm yet unparalleled dramatic flair, sat slouched on his velvet couch, one arm draped over his face as if posing for a Renaissance painting of Tragic Male Despair. In his other hand, the remnants of a wine glass swayed precariously, its contents long gone—possibly an entire bottle… maybe two. The evening had taken a melancholic turn as he lamented the cruel, unrelenting nature of love—would he ever find someone who could match his wit, his charm, his ability to consume excessive amounts of carbohydrates without remorse?
And then—DING!
A notification shattered the stillness of the night. A message, not just any message, but one sent from the heavens themselves. Roman, now sweating profusely from the sheer weight of fate knocking at his door, fumbled for his phone with the urgency of a man who had just been selected to join the Avengers. He squinted at the screen.
Kolbey McCoy.
Who was this ethereal being? Was she an otherworldly enchantress? A queen from a forgotten kingdom? A CIA operative sent to test his resilience? He didn’t know. But one thing was clear—she was magnificent.
Their words ignited like a wildfire. It was a conversation so electric, so divinely orchestrated, that Shakespeare himself would have wept at its poetic beauty.
Then came The First Date.
October 23, 2023. A day that would be etched into the annals of history, rivaling even the greatest love stories of old. They met, and time ceased to exist. What was meant to be a simple date stretched into an epic seven-hour odyssey.
And that’s when it happened.
The valve.
The sheer force of her beauty, her elegance, her absurdly perfect presence, was too much. Roman’s heart—so powerful, so conditioned through years of exaggerated workouts—literally exploded a valve on impact. It should have been fatal. Any lesser man would have collapsed immediately. But not he.
Back to the first date.
Seven hours? Who does that?! Normal people would part ways, process their emotions, play it cool. Not these two.
No, Kolbey and Roman were not mere mortals subject to the constraints of ordinary dating timelines. They scoffed in the face of logic and reason. In the span of a single week, they went on five dates. FIVE. That’s a legally binding relationship in some countries.
By Date Five, it was obvious. This was it.
Neither had ever met anyone so perfectly matched. Kolbey, with her radiant beauty and wit so sharp it could cut glass, was the only force on Earth capable of keeping up with Roman’s theatrics. And Roman, an unmatched poet of absurdity and passion, had finally met a woman who could match his energy beat for beat.
Fast forward to May 12, 2024. The world had seen its fair share of historic events—the fall of empires, the rise of civilizations—but nothing could prepare it for the engagement of Roman and Kolbey.
Roman, sweating bullets and vibrating at an unnatural frequency, got down on one knee—but not before his future father-in-law, in a move that could only be described as both heroic and deeply unhinged, stuffed their immaculate steak, lobster, and shrimp dinner into plastic bags with his bare hands. It was a moment so chaotic, so inexplicably perfect, that even the gods of romance took pause.
Back to the actual engagement.
Birds froze mid-flight. The Earth tilted slightly. A horse was standing nearby in a tuxedo. Somewhere, in an alternate dimension, an orchestra—composed entirely of celestial beings—began to play.
Kolbey said YES.
And so, the saga continues. A love story absurd, ridiculous, excessive, and perfect. A love story for the ages.
To be continued… June 28th, 2025 and for eternity.
